Oreontation

The Oreo. The best selling cookie in the United States (I’m practicing my dramatic introductions)

So recently I was hanging out at Lasse and Adrians place and Adrian expressed his malcontent. Lasse had, in fact, just been to the States and neglected to bring home delicious Oreo variations. As we all know there are countless variations on the Oreo. A multitude of different tastes, shapes, sizes. As though there existed an unstopable Oriditas force driving a delicious evolution towards either uncompromising circular perfection or blissful, endless variety.

But why then, Adrian demands to know, is it only possible to get the classic Oreo here in Denmark? Why do you need to go to Argentina to have the banana cream Oreo? Why are only the Canadians privy to the coconut oil Oreo? The answer is as sinister as the cookie is desireable: Oreos are like vampires.

Even the most common Oreo will recoil from crusifixes and other items of the faith (or it would if it wasn’t an inert cookie). Some Oreologists speculate that Oreos does not cast a reflection but since it’s impossible to carry one all the way to a mirror without eating it first this is hard to prove or disprove empirically. Most importantly however: Oreos cannot cross running water. As such all Oreos must be produced in local factories making the supply of the cookie of cookies somewhat unpredictable. Especially in thinly populated regions where investment in a huge Oreo infrastructure is less lucrative this can be a problem. Does Oreos drink the blood of the living? No. Although, since the exact Oreo recipe is a well kept secret, the blood of the living may or may not be an important ingredient.

Recently new advancements in space technology has given Oreo craving individuals cause for hope as the consensus on the last great summit of Oreologists was that Oreos may bypass the constriction on transport if it is taken into orbit and moved across oceans, rivers and local streams in space. Proeminent Oreo experts have concluded that while it is too early to celebrate free access to all Oreos for all humankind there is no doubt that the future of man and Oreokind lies in space.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s