About Cancer III

So it’s been a while since I touched upon this subject. As mentioned before I am so very lucky that my condition has been discovered before it has had the chance to develop into a full-blown evil growth and for the last 4 months I have been receiving therapy that turns my immune system into a supercharged cancer-fighting machine. The treatment is progressing as expected. Unfortunately it is also expected that the process is extremely hard on my body. I’m tired and feel fragile. My sleep is erratic and I’m constantly being monitored for possible complications and side effects that need treatment. During the first couple of months there was a lot of nausea involved as well but luckily that can be fixed with some pills. I have been forcibly cured for my dislike of needles and aversion towards swallowing pills. It’s just routine now.

All in all it’s not too bad. There’s still no plans of me receiving chemotherapy – which I fear greatly. I do – however – have a hard time adjusting to the fact that I’m not always able to handle everything myself and that my self esteem suffers as a result. I am getting a lot of help from the community centre for cancer patients in Copenhagen. They tell me that cancer patients often experience a shift in their outlook or even full scale depression and they are a great help managing the ups and downs.

Besides feeling sickly and useless at times I noticed something a couple of weeks ago that made me laugh: I no longer fit into my medium sized underwear. Losing weight is perhaps the worst part of the treatment. I’m constantly fighting to put it back on and have to stop myself from standing in front of the mirror wondering if my ribs used to show like that. On the up side I get to eat all the things that the rest of the world tries to stay away from. Cakes, creamy sauce and “heavy” food is always on the menu. Still it is rather chocking to put on a pair of briefs only to have them fall off like you’re some child trying on your parents clothes. I was getting used to looking less bulky and seeing my weight go down but somehow the realisation that I’m literally shrinking is both terrifying and downright silly.

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