Last time I wrote about myself, my body and the difficulties with – especially – the latter part I talked about my eye surgery and an apparent associated weight loss. Now – about five months later – I know for certain that neither having laser surgery or feeling depressed about the resulting complications have been the cause of my physical discomfort or lack of energy. Rather it has been caused by a cancerous growth in my abdominal region.
I am lucky. I have an active immune system that is fighting the cancer. The growth is benign (in my case meaning it is growing but not trying to spread through my body) and I happen to live in a country where treatment for conditions such as this are avaliable to me and where doctors are skilled, caring and not motivated by profit. While there is no such thing as “happy cancer” and I have to get to terms with the fact that I’m in for a rough ride I am fully expected to survive and to thrive. I’m not going to die.
It is hard to say “cancer” because everyone who hears the word instantly will be thinking “death”. As such I have shied away from telling a lot of people – even close friends – about my condition. Especially since there has been a long period of biopsies, questions, blood samples and scans and i have only been 100% sure about the cancer diagnosis since late December. I’m very sorry I’m just telling some of you about this now – and through a blog post no less – please forgive me for keeping things close to my chest. Please forgive me if I have been evasive when asked how I am doing or what is going on in my life right now. That part of the process is over though and you can ask me anything, smack my stupid face for not coming to you for support or just hug me. It’s all appreciated.
The future is going to be… well I honestly don’t know how my life is going to look two weeks from now. I will be recieving immunotherapy which – for now – means no radiation or complicated surgery. Knowing that I get to keep my curls and not spend all my time lying in a hospital bed makes me very happy. I don’t have a lot of energy and some times I don’t think I’m much fun to be around but I do want to talk to you, hang out and laugh and play and… I’m not supposed to be drinking (but that doesn’t mean I can’t point and laugh when you’re shitfaced).
Thank you for reading this and – as stated before: feel free to ask me if there’s anything you want to know more about. Feel free to talk to me even if you don’t know what to say. And by all means don’t feel obliged to do either because it’s really a blessing when I can sit down and laugh and have a good time and feel “normal” even if it’s just for a short while.